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Chell's Poetry Page

The poetry on this page was written by a survivor during the course of her healing journey.  Due to the very nature of sexual abuse, some of these may be very triggering to some survivors so take care of yourself.
All of the poetry on this page is copyrighted and must not be used in any form without the express consent of the author.  If you have a question or a comment about this poetry, you can email Chell at



Eight hundred seventy-four seconds

In the scheme of life

Not long at all


The second hand didnt stop and

Neither did you

You plunged your way through my life,

My pride,

My virginity

You used my silence

And held my hostage in my own skin


The pictures on the wall

They were fresh and new

A life just waiting to happen


I could have walked away from you

You know I tried

I thought:

Out of reach would be far enough away


You would find a new obsession

I had been it long enough

Maybe you would walk away

But the prize called you back

Touching me wasnt enough

You had to ruin me for me


The mirror is unkind

It doesnt touch up what I see when I look into its eyes


Fourteen minutes

Just long enough to make it last forever


Its been forever ago

Why cant I just walk away


LORD knows you did,

Will you make your time count somewhere else again?

Some other girl

Some other time

Some other eight hundred seconds



June 2001


Why arent you sorry?


Your hands were on me,

Even with the turtleneck covering my head


You dreamed about me,

When I was jailbait


You touched me when she was showering,

Why arent you sorry?


And I dont mean those crocodile tears

You called remorse

You shed to keep me silent

And I dont mean those apologies

You gave when I caught your lies


You are sorry to keep me silent

But you were never sorry enough to be honest

Never sorry enough to get help

Never sorry enough to quit


You knew that my virginity was my only possession

You had no right to it

I never gave it to you

But you believed that in your divorce

You could hurt me

You said you were hurting and angry

But you did not stop to think where you would leave me


Why arent you sorry?

I am


June 2001

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My blindness


You were strong

You wanted me know

You wanted me to tell you how strong you were


I thought that if I did not challenge you

If I did doubt your strength

You would not to prove it and

I would not have to pay for it


You were suave

You always wanted me to tell you how fine you were

You were angry because I called you vain

You were you know

You were the vainest person Id ever met

The problem was you were also mean and easily angered


You wanted me to feel violated and weak

I thought if you knew I was scared

If I didnt compete with you for power

If I didnt make you prove you were someone not to be reconded with

You would have no need to prove it


My blindness was self-inflicted

I was blind because I chose to be

I was blind to your true nature

I thought deep down you were a good man

You were just angry and

That was my doing

I still have to believe that it was you and not me

Or my clothes

Or my mannerisms

Or being at the wrong place with you

Or letting you in my life


I am not blind anymore

I see your crime now

Do you?

Do you see how weak you really are?

What did violating me really prove?

That you are violent and mean





June 2001


Chell, thank you so much for allowing me to use your work.  It shows a glimpse into who you were, and also who you have become.  You are so dear to my heart and I love you.